East of Wishing
by shallow-seas-we-sail
Summary: After breaking up with Casey, Jane takes off to Ethiopia to find Maura with nothing but a toothbrush, a book bag and the clothes on her back. Based on a feltknickers headcanon
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Based on **Feltknickers** headcanon around and the s4 finale "You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone" that goes a little something like this: Jane decides to marry Casey, and Maura gets fed up with Jane doing stupid shit, so she goes off to Ethiopia before the wedding. Season 5 picks up with them separated, Jane getting ready to marry, Maura working with Ian in Ethiopia. Jane is miserable without her best friend. Maura is miserable without hers. She's feeling homesick and on a particularly difficult day Jane appears in the sparse 'hospital', filthy from two days of travel, carrying nothing but a backpack with a change of clothes and a toothbrush she bought at the airport

My little interpretation of this. Probably a two/three shot. Thanks to Felt for trusting me to take this little headcanon for a ride.

* * *

_Jane licked her lips and pushed further into the mattress. She was letting herself become lost. She was letting herself sink and drown into her fantasy._

_Her hand moved lower and her fingers wound through blonde hair. Her eyes screwed shut and her hips rolled forward._

_Blonde and copper, wisps of caramel and honey tickled her thighs. It reminded her of summer fading into fall. It reminded of something sweet._

_Jane's mind filled with image after image. They flooded her. She was immersed. She had never let herself become so completely surrounded by her desire. It was forbidden and made fire race under her skin. She was alive. She felt electric. Her heart drummed in her chest and a familiar sensation began to twist pleasantly in her stomach. Something that had only been obtainable in stolen moments alone._

_But she was far from alone._

_Jane could feel herself rising. She wanted to float away and take every hidden and stolen thought with her, lock it away and keep it only for herself._

_Because it was all she had._

_But her back was bowing and the feeling building inside her was threatening to erupt and spread itself out over her body, into every crack and crevice and a single name had perched itself in back of her throat, begging to be called out._

_Jane's hand flew to her mouth in a desperate attempt to silence herself. The metal that had become a recent fixture there collided with her teeth and the sound of a single sob lingered in the room as the moment disappeared._

_Soft, flowing curves returned to hard, rough lines. The hands at her thighs were calloused and held her possessively. The coarse hair that accompanied each kiss made her want to crawl out of skin._

_It was gone - every thought of belonging and of being complete slipped away and Jane couldn't bring them back._

_Not with this body above hers._

_Not with his labored breath in her ear._

_A sensation filled Jane. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. She wanted to be transparent. She wanted to disappear._

_And she realized she had never felt more empty._

* * *

"Ma'am?"

Jane snaps her head up from the view she had of her shoes.

"Is that all?"

Jane blinks away the memory and looks up at the cashier in front of her.

"Huh?"

The woman behind the counter rolls her eyes and motions to Jane's hands with her head, "Just the toothbrush?"

"Wha.. oh, yeah." Jane slips her hand into her pocket and throws a five on the counter.

She doesn't wait for change or care about the mumbled '_bitch'_ that floats in the air behind her as makes her way across the terminal. She remembers why she hates airports. They are too loud, too fast and if one more person runs into her she is convinced she may get hauled off by the TSA.

Instead, she takes refuge in a small airport bar. Jane glances at her watch and then back up to her gate. She has twenty minutes before boarding. It is just enough time a beer.

She orders two and finishes them in ten minutes. She pays and the buzz hits her as she migrates her way across the terminal. She hands the agent her ticket and passport and doesn't acknowledge the sweet smile or wishes for safe travel she is given.

Once on the plane, Jane shrugs off her book bag and shoves it under her seat before sitting down. She pulls her phone from her pocket and types out and sends a quick text to her mother to let her know she has boarded and her finger lingers over the power button.

Jane worries her bottom lip and opens back up a new text and types out three simple words and sends it to a number that has given her no response for the past four days.

Sighing, Jane pushes back into her seat and turns off her phone as the the seat belt sign above her flashes on and there is movement in the cabin. Flight attendants go through exits and emergency protocol but it is just droning background noise to Jane. She looks out the window as the plane begins moving down the tarmac and briefly wonders what it would take to push open that emergency door at 36,000 feet, because she has no goddamn idea what she is doing.

The thought passes quickly as the plane gains speed and lifts off and Jane shuts her eyes as the pressure builds in her head.

And she knows sleep will be elusive just as much here as it had been back home.

* * *

_She closed her eyes and braced herself against the counter in her kitchen. Her head fell forward and she exhaled a shaky breath just as Casey's arms circled her waist._

_"Good morning, love."_

_Jane's brow furrowed and a flash of pain moved across her face._

_Having him here was physically paining her. He was too close. His proximity used to give her butterflies, but now it makes her stomach turn and she wanted to run to the one place she couldn't go to._

_Maura was gone._

_And she just wanted** him** gone._

_Jane turned in his arms and rolled her shoulders, side stepping out of his embrace. She wrapped her arm securely around her chest and gripped her bicep tightly._

_She became fixated on the tiles on the floor. Little intricate patterns that she had never noticed before. Fractals that moved seamlessly throughout from one corner to the next._

_It was all the same. It was repetitive. It was expected._

_It made something in Jane's chest tighten. It made the muscles in her jaw clench and her teeth grind._

_"What's wrong?" He sounded genuinely concerned._

_Jane had to contain the urge to roll her eyes._

_"This." Jane motioned between them barely with her index finger. Her voice was small._

_Casey took a step forward and Jane stepped back._

_"You don't want this?" Casey finally asked._

_Jane closed her eyes and immediately saw Maura. The feeling in her chest grew tighter. Maura was walking away and crying. She was pouring her heart out and Jane had stood there like an idiot and instead of saying all the confessions that had burned at at the back of her throat, sh__e just let her leave._

_So no, she didn't. She didn't want Casey or his stupid ring that was too big. It twisted and turned around her finger. The diamond dug into her palm and it hurt._

_Maura was beautiful and gone and everything hurt._

_"No, Casey. I don't want this."_

_"Then why did you say yes?"_

_Jane opened her eyes then. She bit back and swallowed all the reasons why before they could leave her mouth._

_'Because you left me no choice.'_

_'Because I didn't want you to go back and get blown into a million idiot pieces.'_

_And she knew Casey wasn't a bad guy, just an idiot because he thought she loved being taken care of. He thought she loved the flowers and the surprise drop-ins and the romance._

_He was just an idiot for thinking she could love him back because that was exactly what she let him think._

_"Jane?" He was trying to keep his temper in check and Jane was sure all those little pieces of Casey's broken heart would not look the same as the tiles on her kitchen floor. She didn't want to clean that up._

_But here she was._

_She wanted to say, 'Because I don't love you. Your ring doesn't fit and I'm not some invalid that can't clean out her own fridge. I can't handle your pity parties and be someone who I'm not. I don't want to change. I can't be me, be yours and be hers.'_

_Jane swallowed hard, because that was it. He couldn't have her heart because it had been somewhere else all along and now it was half away across the world._

_"Because I thought I could give you something you wanted, but can't when I know I don't want the same thing." The words came out stronger than Jane expected them to, and with determination she found her footing and walked past Casey and opened her front door._

_His eyes fell. His exit was unceremonious and he turned, floating in the doorway, stopping just short of the hall._

_Jane turned her hand over and the ring easily slipped off her finger. She caught and pinched it between her finger and thumb._

_"Here."_

_Casey shook his head, "Keep it."_

_Sighing, Jane reached out and took his hand and turned it over, placing the ring gently into his palm._

_"I can't do that, and you know it."_

_Casey closed his hand. He gave a short nod before turning and making his way down the hall._

_"Stay safe." Jane called out from her doorway._

_He only raised his hand as a goodbye as he disappeared down the stairs._

* * *

Hydration comes in the form of $9 Bud Lights, occasionally she chews on ice chips. Mostly Jane is scribbling on the back of the napkins she gets with each of her over priced, watered down beers.

She tries to be clever. She tries to write every witty, loving and heartfelt thing she plans to say when she sees Maura, but it all comes out is crooked lines and it's damn near illegible. A small pile of discarded napkins grows in the empty seat beside her. She can feel the familiar sting as tears begin to well up. She presses her forehead against the window and all Jane can see below her is the distant blue of the ocean in the fading light.

She is outrunning the sun. Stars begin to peek through the dark canvas that arches and meets at the horizon. She can just make out the slight curve of the earth below her and readies herself for the uncertainty looming ahead.

She has big ideas up here. Great heights she wants to believe give her an advantage to everything that is so small below her.

But it could all fail and every unread, clever line she scribbled down won't mean a damn thing because Jane can't seem to string together the three words that she needs to say.

They twist up inside of her and get caught in the back of her throat and settles like cement.

The fear that surrounds her is that she may never have or know Maura again; the sound of her laugh or be graced with her touch.

_'Or the feeling of her against your lips.'_

She ran half way around the world to get away.

Sighing, Jane closes her eyes.

She can feel warmth trail down her cheek.

And she can taste salt.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **wow. over 100+ follows for ONE CHAPTER. You guys just.. whoa. Well, here is the second half with the introduction of Maura's POV. This will wrap up after one more chapter and will bounce back and forth between Jane and Maura's POV from here on out. This also references some of last nights episode (just dialogue wise) Flashbacks are in italics. I've always had the song_ 'Say Something'_ playing in my head (and in the background) while writing this. If you haven't heard that, go listen to it and cry your face off, okay? You all are awesome and thank you for reading and for your feedback!

* * *

A small green light flashes on her phone. Maura catches it in the corner of her eye and she knows who the message is from even before she opens it. They have all been the same.

_I miss you._  
_I miss you._  
_I miss you._

For three days and each time it reads differently to Maura.

_Sadness._  
_Desperation._  
_Atonement._

And today's will be no different. She will read Jane's message and begin her response before giving up, because she simply has nothing left to say. Maura had let it all out - years of pent up frustration for every ounce of love that had clung to every fiber of her being. She let out and watched as it fell, withered away and was left abandoned at Jane's feet.

And she misses Jane so much that it makes the the muscle in her chest ache. She wants to tell Jane how she is doing - how she is saving small, fragile lives and how she isn't scared of the living here because the gratitude she has seen in so many eyes makes her not afraid.

Everything is so decidedly human.

She picks up her phone and wills herself to sit up. The cot creaks as she shifts and sits with her back against the wall. Her thumb slides across the screen and she forgets to breathe.

Only one word has changed and Maura isn't sure how many times she re-reads the message, only that the tears in her eyes eventually make it impossible.

And it isn't fair. She curses and tosses her phone to end of the cot. Jane isn't being fair. Sadness and anger well up inside of Maura because Jane Rizzoli is monstrous. She burns bright and the distance she has put between them is inconsequential. Maura can't escape her. Jane is everywhere and has designated a corner of Maura's heart just for herself.

The ache in her chest seeps out into the spaces between her ribs. She cries for the third night in a row until she exhausts herself and the only sound that fills her head is the sound of heart and the whispered clicks of her eyes as she tries to blink away her tears.

Thunder sounds in the distance as sleep finally takes hold.

* * *

Turbulence makes Jane's stomach drop and she surges forward in her seat. The pile of napkins beside her defy gravity as the plane drops and Jane's grip of the armrests becomes white knuckled.

The captains static filled voice comes over the speakers and Jane looks out the window. They are moving through clouds and she can barely see the wing. Her mind circles morbid scenarios as the plane banks left and the cabin shakes.

Quickly Jane gathers the napkins beside her and pulls her book bag out from under her seat. She unzips and shoves the mass of paper into a side pocket.

She closes her eyes and hugs her bag to her chest. If she is goes down with this plane maybe they can at least find the bag in her arms - maybe the notes there will find their way to Maura.

Maybe she will have time to scribble out one last line before they collide with the earth.

The pen on her tray table falls and rolls off down the aisle as plane drops again. Someone shouts. Jane expects oxygen masks to appear.

Then suddenly it is calm and she can hear gears whiz and whirl to life. The plane begins its descent. Jane opens her eyes and can't tell if it is rain on the windows or if her own tears that have gotten in the way.

* * *

The sky is grey and the air smells of earth and electricity. Thunder booms above Jane as she steps out into '_arrivals_' area. Her hand slips into her pocket and she pulls out a worn post-it note.

_'Nekemte.'_

She steps to the curb and puts her hand out, but each taxi she attempts to wave down passes her by. She rubs her eyes and tries to shake the James Cameron movie marathon that played for twelve hours out of her head and stomps her foot as another taxi drives pass her.

After ten minutes the rain is falling so hard that her shoes have soaked through and Jane realizes she doesn't have another pair of socks. Her hands ball into fists and she resists the urge to scream. A gentle tap on her shoulder only adds to her frustration.

"Ma'am?"

Jane spins on her heels and she glares into the face of the person who is fucking stupid enough to cross the line into her personal space.

"Where do you need to go?" He speaks slowly. His accent is thick.

Jane looks him over. He is young. No older than 17 she guesses. He isn't wearing a shirt and his cargo shorts are muddy. He swallows hard then forces a brilliant, white smile at Jane.

"Nekemte. I need to get to the hospital there."

His face twists with concern. "Are you okay?"

Jane shakes her head, "Yeah. I just.. can you get me there?"

The young boy straightens his back and nods his head proudly.

"Yes. Two hundred American dollars."

Jane's eyebrow arches, "Really? Two hundred?"

The boy nods again and looks around him, "No other taxi will take you in weather like this. I can get you there."

Dark eyes narrow and Jane studies him for a moment before pulling her wallet from her back pocket.

"What's your name, kid?" Her fingers brush over two crisp bills before pulling them out and handing them over.

"Akeem." He takes the bills and shoves them into his pocket and smiles. He turns and waves his hand for Jane to follow, "This way."

Jane lifts her shoulder and adjusts the strap of her bag, "Lead the way, Akeem."

* * *

The boy makes good on his promise and they pull up to the hospital three hours later. Jane is impressed and a bit surprised they hadn't lose a wheel. Akeem had shown quite a talent for hitting every pot hole in the road. The ache in Jane's head amplifies as the car comes to a stop. The rain has let up and now falls as a steady drizzle.

Stepping out of the car and into the dark, Jane gives the boy a tight smile and a short wave.

"I hope you are okay, ma'am."

"Me too, kid." Apprehension edges into her voice as she makes her way up the gravel path. The fence that surrounds the hospital twists in the stone it is embedded in. Cracks and trails of rust run across the rocks. Paint peels from the entrance sign and the security lights sway in the wind. The sight is bleak and Jane can feel the sting of bile rise in the back of her throat as she stops walking.

This is all such a bad idea.

Her eyes burn. She is exhausted and droplets of rain gather speed and race from her scalp and down the back of her neck. She can feel knots begin to form in her stomach as she wills her legs to move. Jane licks her lips as she gets closer to the doors. Rain and sweat.

In her head she pictures Maura standing in the hall, waiting for her expectantly. She pushes in the doors and steps into the dim lobby lights. There are hardly signs of life aside from a nurse pushing by her with an empty wheel chair.

There is no Maura rushing into her arms and the wind howls outside.

A shaky breath escapes Jane as a firm grip takes hold around her bicep and pulls her quickly around the corner and out of the hall. She barely has time to register it before she is colliding with someone's chest.

"Jane?" The accent is familiar and Jane looks up, "What are you doing here?"

It's Ian. Jane swallows hard. She hasn't thought this far ahead and when she opens her mouth to speak she must look like swallowing air because she can't find the words and Ian's face twists up in confusion and anticipation. It seems to be a recurring theme in her life at the moment. She purses her lips and searches her brain for an answer.

"I needed to see Maura." Jane mumbles, her eyes becoming downcast.

Ian's grip loosens and he rubs his hand up and down Jane's arm reassuringly. He lets out a heavy sigh.

"I'm not sure if that is the best idea." He finally concedes.

And Jane isn't sure if it is a cry or a laugh, but it catches in the back of her throat and tumbles out of her mouth. A stab of pain moves through her chest and she can't think of anything that will fill in the empty space left behind there.

"Yeah, I get it." Jane rubs the back of her neck

"She hasn't stopped talking about you."

Jane smiles and feels lighter for moment when and glances up at Ian. His eyes are kind and hint at understanding. There is hope.

"About how shitty of a friend I am?" She sniffs and looks away, her eyes landing back on the hospital doors. She dismisses the thought of fleeing that had been dancing around in the back of her head.

Ian chuckles, "Not is so many words. Mostly how much she loves you."

The words make Jane's heart pound madly in her chest and Ian takes a step back, studying her. His eyes hint at more and before Jane can ask he is offering her his arm, "You look ragged. Here, come with me."

Jane waves off his offer and he shrugs as he turns and makes his way down the hall. "You are a big part of her life." He says over his shoulder.

_'And she is the love of my life.'_ The words rattle around in Jane's head and make her feel warm and a little terrified.

They stop in front of a worn door that Ian unlocks and pushes open. He extends his arm and Jane walks by him.

"Wow, you guys spare no expense, huh?" Jane taps her shoe against an uneven metal desk in the center of the room. Drawers are missing and there is a scattering of papers across the top of it. The file cabinet and book shelf that line either side of the wall are in disarray.

"None. Maura and I actually share the space." Ian smiles as he flips up the light switch and closes the door behind him.

Jane's eyes widen. "Maura parks herself behind this thing?" She grips the side of the desk and rattles it. "She couldn't import that mahogany piece she keeps in her study?"

Ian's hands disappear into his pockets and he rocks back on his feet. "She is so much more than all of that. She adds a class here all her own that can light up a room." He reaches up and taps the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling.

"I know." Jane bites her lip and her finger trails across the chipped and rusty edge of the desk.

The soft hum of electricity fills in the spaces and silence between them.

"I was surprised to hear from her. She told she wanted to take a leave of absence from the department and come back out here with me. I will admit, at first I was ecstatic at the idea of getting her back." Ian says stepping forward.

Jane's eyes cut to his and he smiles. She can feel jealousy flare up inside her.

"But I quickly realized she wasn't here for me." He turns and leans against the desk beside Jane and crosses his arms. "She was here because of you."

Jane lets go of the breath she doesn't know she's holding.

"I hurt her." Jane shakes her head. "I was an ass and so stupid-.."

"I think she called you the most clueless detective she has ever met." Ian says with a smirk.

The small laugh that rumbles around in Jane's chest is quickly silenced by the door opening. It sends a bolt up Jane's spine and she fumbles to stand up straight. Her arms fall to her sides as Maura steps into the room.

Jane's heart drums wildly in her chest and all those clever lines become a haze as they fly out of her head.

Looking up from the file in her hand, Maura's eyes grow wide and she steps back. She floats in the doorway, glancing back and forth between Ian and Jane.

The light above Jane's head begins to fracture. Star bursts of color flicker and dance in front of her eyes. She vaguely wonders if this is what it's like trace a constellation - all of those far off, dusty balls of light coming together to form something beautiful.

Jane swallows hard and tries to focus on Maura's face. Her eyes trail from the her lips to her eyes and Maura looks so, so lost. She is drifting further away until she finally becomes a pinpoint - a distant star that Jane simply cannot hold.

The earth shifts beneath Jane. It rises up and swallows her into a cold darkness.

* * *

_Maura didn't like it, the way Jane displayed her hand. She pressed her palm into the island in her small kitchen and flicked her left wrist out casually._

_"I said yes." The corners of Jane's lips turned up into a small smile. The sight made Maura's stomach knot and she narrowed her eyes as she looked down at Jane's hand. Her eyes trailed over a waning scar and settled on a simple gold band. It was a princess cut._

_Maura titled her head. She always envisioned platinum complimenting Jane's skin tone - something with sapphires set into the band. Deep and blue, like the veins that ran through Maura and pumped Jane in them. She had secretly played out the fantasy multiple times - browsing designer bouquets online and customizing her order. She would stare proudly at it before she closed the browser, allowing the dream disappear into the ether._

_She did not like this gaudy diamond._

_When she looked up at Jane, she was being studied._

_"I'm supposed to get all giddy and girly and you're supposed to squeal over it."_

_Maura shook her head and blinked, "Why would I squeal over a colorless crystalline form of pure carbon?" Her tone was laced with indifference._

_"You're not happy for me?"_

_Maura remained silent._

_Jane's hand dropped as she took Maura's into her own and laced their fingers. Maura brought their intertwined hands up. Her thumb dipped into the valleys between Jane's knuckles and brushed over the ring._

_It was too big. Casey didn't even know her size._

_"You're a seven." Maura said quietly._

_A snort of laughter escaped Jane, "I am. How'd you know?"_

_Maura shrugged, "This is too big for you."_

_"I can get it fitted."_

_Jane's fingers tightened around her own, and Maura felt trapped._

_"You have to admit, it's pretty."_

_Glancing down, Maura forced a smile as she pulled her hand out of their embrace, "So! You're leaving? Do you see yourself as a General's wife?" Maura glanced around the kitchen and averted her eyes. _She couldn't look at Jane.

_Her fingers trailed absently over the cool granite of the counter._

_"Wha-? No."_

_"Casey is going to retire then?"_

_Jane chewed at her bottom lip, "I don't know."_

_Something rose in Maura's chest. It felt like anger. It was a myriad emotions mixed with years of frustration - stolen looks or a touch that lingered too long. It was the electricity she felt when Jane moved close to her in her sleep and wrapped her arm around her waist._

_It was like being set on fire._

_"You don't know?" Maura erupted, "That's it. You just don't know?! God Jane, are you that thick?"_

_Jane's eyes widened and her jaw fell slack, "Wha-"_

_"Tell me you're that oblivious. Tell me that you never saw me in front of you all this time and I'll stop now."_

_The look that stapled itself to Jane's face told Maura all she needed to know. She had crossed line they had been avoiding for years._

_"God." Maura scoffed and closed her eyes. She pressed the heels of her palms against her head, "I'm an idiot to think that you would do something.. that you would act on any of this." Her hands fell to her sides. She felt utterly defeated._

_"Jane, for years I have waited patiently for you to-... sort all of this out-." Maura's hand pressed against her chest. She wanted to protect her heart, "But all you've done is hurt me - in the most subtle ways. And I had convinced myself you would come down in some perfect moment and say every word I needed to hear and this would set itself right. But it hasn't and clearly it won't."_

_Tears stung her eyes but Maura pushed forward - the confessions poured out of her. Her chest heaved and she struggled to fight back the want to choke on her words and cry out instead._

_"But being this close to you now devastates me." Something shattered in her chest as the words left her mouth, "Because you are a reminder of what I will never have."_

_Tears that lingered at their edge finally fell and Maura pushed her hand into the counter to brace herself as a sob ripped through her._

_She could see Jane reaching out for her and Maura knew if Jane touched her she would fall apart. She struggled to find her voice. _

_"Don't touch me!"_

_Maura took a step back and pulled a quivering lip between her teeth, "I can't have you touch me." She needed distance. She needed to breath. She shook her head._

_And then she laughed. It wasn't familiar to her. It was desperate and broken._

_"Are you going to say anything?" Maura asked incredulously._

_Jane stared at her._

_"Say something!"_

_Jane's movement was a blur and Maura found herself with strong arms wrapped around her waist. They pulled her in quickly and close. Lips and teeth collided. A hand moved up her spine and tangled into the hair at the base of her neck. Jane's tongue darted across her bottom lip and Maura devoured the moan that followed when Jane kissed her deeply._

_An ache shot through her and warmth settled into the pit of her stomach. __It made Maura burn bright and she_ wanted so much more.

_She pressed her hands against Jane's chest and pushed herself away. Jane grunted and stumbled back into the counter as Maura backed up to the door and opened it._

_"Don't go." Jane's words came out strangled._

_Maura shook her head as she turned quickly and stepped into the hall. She didn't close the door as she ran for the stairs._

_Her name echoed behind her._

* * *

"Maura."

The sound of her name jars Maura from her thoughts. She gathers Jane's hand and cradles it between her own. The IV in Jane's vein settles just below her bare ring finger. Maura brushes over the vacancy with the pad of her thumb.

She remains silent as she perches herself on the edge of Jane's cot.

Pain flashes across the features of Jane's face. She has been sleeping for almost 16 hours and gone through two bags of saline. She had been dehydrated and exhausted.

Jane's eyes struggle to open before closing tightly again. Maura can see tears pushing to the corner of her eyes. They trail down and disappear into her hairline.

She leans forward and presses her lips to Jane's cheek. She brings her hand up and her fingertips smooth over the fine hairs at her temple. Maura wants to tell her that she is here and that she hasn't left her side.

She wants to say she would never leave - the way Jane had promised her years ago.

But silence is all she can convey and words escape her as her own tears race with Jane's, becoming lost in obsidian hair.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **I am so sorry for the delay getting this up. Work, impending baby, LIFE. I want to say this is done, but I maybe kinda have a final chapter floating around in my head to wrap this up back in Boston. We'll see. All the kudos to** Feltknickers** for putting up with me and my delays and rambling apologizes for not being more timely with this. She's a pal.

* * *

Maura taps the end of the pen between her teeth as she reads over the file setting on her lap.

She emanates a soft hum as she flips the page.

Jane lies stock still.

But Maura knows she is listening.

"You're awake."

Jane cracks open an eye and peeks over at Maura. She intently continues to read the file in front of her.

"How did you-"

"You were making a fist." Maura flips her hand over and points with her pen.

Jane eases her fingers and her nails pull back from her palms. She stretches out her hand, and IV tape pulls at her skin. She wipes her hands across her face before pushing herself up. She pulls in her knees and hugs them to her chest. She glances out the window above her. Drops of rain race down it.

"How are you feeling?"

Maura still isn't looking at her.

Jane shrugs, "Okay. Hungry."

Maura's eyes stay fixed on the on the folder in her lap, "The nurse should be returning soon with lunch." She licks her lips and lets go of the corners of pinched paper she has been slowly flipping through. She watches them settle and can hear her blood pumping rapidly in her ears.

"How did you find me?" Maura folds her hands politely over the file and looks at Jane.

Jane rests her head against her knees and studies Maura. Dark circles tug underneath red eyes. Exhaustion and sadness are etched into her features.

They make her appear hard.

But really, Maura just looks defeated.

"Good morning to you, too." Jane tries for humor

"It's four in the afternoon, actually."

And falls flat. Her eyes grow wide and her head snaps up, "How long have I been asleep!?"

"A little over sixteen hours. You fainted."

Jane blinks hard and her eyes dart around the room trying to remember. She had been with Ian when Maura had came in. Her stomach lurches at the memory.

"How did you find me, Jane?" She asks again, firmly. Maura's voice jars Jane and she shakes her head of the memory.

"Susie." She answers quietly.

Maura sits back in her chair, "She promised me she wouldn't tell-"

"She talked. I have a gun, remember?"

Hazel eyes narrow, "Jane."

"Maura."

Their chastising tones match. She can imagine Jane spending a day stalking behind Susie in the lab until she cracked and poured out information.

"Why did you come here then?"

Jane's eyes widen and she stares at Maura as if it is the most obvious thing in the world, "Why wouldn't I?"

Maura's eyes flicker down to Jane's hand and then back up, holding steady with a dark gaze.

Jane wrings her hands together. Her thumb pushes hard into the scar of her palm and she pulls at her ring finger. "Casey and I.. we aren't together. I.." Jane forces herself to sit a bit straighter in an attempt to catch her fleeing reserve, "I broke up with him."

"And you thought if you did that and came out here we would be together?" Maura's words bite back and Jane searches her brain for a response.

Because that was the plan.

Jane swallows hard and she absently pulls at the edge of the sheet covering her.

_Right?_

"Maura, I-"

The door pushes open and Jane flinches. A nurse walks in carrying a tray and Maura stands quickly, breaking their stare. She thanks the woman and quickly dismisses her. She sets the tray at the end of Jane's cot.

"You should eat."

Jane waves off the idea, "I've lost my appetite." Her hands run through tangled hair before she drops them back into her lap. She pulls at the medical tape on the back of her hand and fidgets with her IV.

"Let me." Maura says, moving around the cot and kneeling beside Jane. She surrenders her hand. A sharp breath catches in Jane's throat and she bites her lip as she watches Maura pull the needle free of the vein that owns her heart.

The gentle brush of a thumb wipes away the small rising point of blood and Jane's hands deceive her before her brain can catch up. She captures Maura's hand between her own.

"I came for you." She says quietly.

When she looks up, Maura's face is expressionless. Jane searches her eyes for a safe place, but gold and green flicker with confusion.

Maura gently pulls her hands free and pushes herself up on the edge of the cot. She stands and takes a step back to the seat behind her. She wants to shield herself. She wants to erect walls and make Jane come to her.

She wants to scream.

And she wants to run and be found all over again.

She wants the truth, but doesn't want the scars; and she isn't sure she can have the lasting marks etch themselves into the walls that surround her heart because this is all she wants.

And it terrifies her.

Buzzing at her hip brings back Maura from her thoughts and she pulls at the pager at the waistband of her scrubs.

"I'm needed in the ER."

Jane nods weakly as she watches Maura stand and move towards the door.

"We can talk later. There is a shower through the door behind you. Your bag is in there.." Maura's grip becomes tighter on the knob and she hesitates, "I'm glad you're here, Jane."

And Jane can barely contain flip her stomach does or the smile that pulls at her lips. She glances down and wiggles her toes underneath the sheet, nodding.

When the door shuts, Jane tosses back the covers and stands. She stretches and glances down at the tray perched at the end of her cot. She tries to decipher the food, but it is a palette colors on a pancake. Jane scrunches her nose and moves it to a small side table. She decides it is better to wait and ask Maura as she walks back to the shower.

A neat pile of toiletries had been laid out along with her clothes and Jane can't help but smirk at Maura's consideration. She twists the knobs in the shower and steam begins to fill the room.

Jane suddenly feels a childlike giddiness peak and flutter madly in her chest as she picks up her toothbrush.

She resists the urge to sing into the bristly head.

* * *

Jane wipes the steam from the mirror and studies herself. She runs her hands nervously over her face before picking up her faded Sox shirt and slipping it over her head. She pulls her hair back into a messy ponytail before putting back each item that had been laid out for her.

She has finally found all the words to make these miles disappear.

Voices leave her hand hovering over a small bottle of shampoo. She strains to listen and takes a step back, opening the door. A flash of heat moves under Jane's skin. There is an argument unfolding in the hallway. She can't understand what is being said, men are talking over each other. It is aggressive and one voice in particular, Maura's voice, makes adrenaline course through her veins and sends her body into action.

Jane moves quickly through the room. Pulling open the door she hesitates in the hallway, listening for the voices to lead her in the right direction. She takes off in a sprint and turns the corner sharply, running into the back of someone. Jane steps back as he turns. He is armed and muscle memory sends Jane's hand to her unarmed hip.

Her timing is off and she can't deflect the hand that tangles into her hair and sends the side of her face into the wall. The pain is acute and she can feel warmth trickle down the side of her face as he presses against her with all of his weight. Jane grits her teeth and brings her knee up swiftly into this groin. The soldier stumbles back, hunched over and cradling himself with one hand while his other reaches for the gun at his hip.

"Jane!"

Maura appears in front of her, pushing her back, but Jane's eyes are burning to the soldier behind her. He has his gun raised, and Jane quickly pulls Maura behind her.

He is shouting nonsense at her - stalking towards her. Jane doesn't understand him, but she doesn't need to. She can feel Maura tugging at the belt loops of her cargo shorts, pulling her back from the fight her body is tensing for.

"Jane, let me speak to him." Maura keeps her tone modulated and she can feel Jane ease her hands back. Fingertips brush against the tops of her thighs as Jane lowers her mounting defense, but she is determined to remain a shield.

Maura raises her hand and begins to step around Jane and speaks directly to the soldier. Her words are rushed and incoherent to Jane. He stops and Maura glances up at Jane quickly. Blood runs from a cut near her temple at her brow. Jane's eyes flicker between her and the soldier and Maura catches the subtle nod she gives her.

"Go back to the room and wait for me there." Maura says calmly, resting her hand on Jane's shoulder. The muscles in Jane's jaw tighten and set. The commotion has brought nurses scurrying from around the corners of the halls to attend to the curious patients who have started to gather in their doorways.

"What's going on?" Quick footsteps echo down the hall along with Ian's voice.

His eyes grow wide when he notices the blood on Jane's face, "What happened?"

"These assholes-"

"_These_ men-" Maura cuts into Jane's words with authority, "brought in an injured soldier. A nurse had refused them our service and I was trying to explain that we refuse no one here, not even militia."

Ian nods, "I'll take care of them and the nurse. Take Jane back."

Maura grips Jane's forearm and leads her around the corner, back to their room.

"Maura, I'm sorry." Heat pricks at the back of Jane's neck as Maura pushes open the door.

"What was that, Jane?!" Maura pinches the bridge of her nose and takes in a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Her frustration wins out and she turns abruptly and slams the door, "You could have been shot!"

"I was trying to protect you!" Jane erupts.

"I had everything under control. You made the situation dangerous."

Jane opens her mouth to speak, but quickly finds her has no words. She turns on her heels and disappears in the bathroom. She snatches up her book bag off the floor and unzips the side pocket, pulling out a handful of napkins. Jane wipes them angrily over her cheek and brow.

"Jane." Maura steps into the bathroom and rests her hand on Jane's bicep as she raises her other and brushes her thumb gently over her temple, examining the cut, "You're going to need stitches."

Jane presses the handful of napkins against her brow. She licks her lips and turns, leaning against the sink. Maura gives her a sad smile, "Come here. Sit."

She follows and perches herself on the edge of her cot as Maura kneels and slides a first aid kit from under it.

"I know you were only trying to protect me, but you need to trust that I can take care of myself. Especially here." Maura removes a small suturing kit and sets it beside Jane.

"Is that why you came here? To protect yourself?" Jane asks, dropping her hand from her face. Maura tears open a small alcohol pad.

"This is going to sting." Maura says hesitantly. She brushes the pad over the cut and Jane bites back the hiss of pain trying to escape from her.

"Yes. That is part of the reason why I came." Maura trails the pad down Jane's cheek, wiping away blood.

"What is the other reason?"

Maura sighs and tucks the pad back into packaging. Pushing herself up, she picks up the suturing kit and sets it in her lap as she sits beside Jane.

"I didn't want to be hurt anymore." She says removing a pair of latex gloves and putting them on.

Jane worries her bottom lip as she looks down at her fidgeting hands, "That wasn't my intention."

"I know that it wasn't, but here we are."

Jane takes in a wavering breath. She winches as the needle pierces her skin.

"Sorry." Maura ties and cuts the stitch quickly, "One more."

"S'ok." Jane says between her teeth.

Maura ties off the final stitch and drops her hands, removing her gloves. She closes the suturing kit and sets it beside her and turns her attention back to Jane.

"You can't always protect me, and I can't always save you. I can't always put you back together, Jane."

"Then don't."

Maura's eyes flicker with confusion, "I don't understan-.."

A mirth of laughter escapes Jane as she shakes her head. She gathers Maura's hands into her own, "Don't you get it? I fell apart when I fell for you."

Maura's lips purse into a thin line and she looks down at their intertwined hands in her lap, "Then why did you say yes? If you knew how-.." The want to cry out settles in the back of Maura's throat and tears sting her eyes, ".. how I felt. How you felt, even."

Jane takes in a steadying breath, "Because you do this."

Gently, Jane takes Maura by the wrist and guides her, pressing her palm against her chest. Jane's heart drums madly in the confines of her ribs.

"Every time I am around you, my heart beats so loudly it is in the only thing I can hear." Jane's eyes flutter and close, "And when I close my eyes it is the only thing I can focus on. Everything turns into chaos."

When Jane opens her eyes, Maura is staring back at her. Wet trails of tears streak and race down her cheeks.

"When I was with Casey, the only sound I ever heard was silence. That was me settling because this.." She presses Maura's hand harder into her chest, "this is you, and it made too much sense. It terrified me, but you are the only thing that has ever made sense, Maura. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it that to you. I'm sorry I made you run. I should have told you.."

Maura shakes her head, "Jane-.."

"I love you." Jane says in a staccato breath before cupping Maura's face and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. Maura's hand holds steady at her chest, feeling each trembling beat of Jane's heart. Her fingers tangle into her shirt and pull her closer, the broken pieces of her own heart suddenly setting themselves back together and into something whole.

Pulling back, Maura's searching eyes find Jane's. They are warm and ache to be forgiven. She has never felt safer looking out into the dark.

"How do you do that?" Jane asks, her knuckles brushing down Maura's cheeks in unison, capturing tears along their way.

"Do what?"

"Be so damn beautiful."

A small bubble of laughter rumbles in the back of Maura throat as she brings Jane's hands to her chest, "I'm crying."

Jane smiles as she leans forward and presses a quick kiss to the tip of Maura's nose, "You're still beautiful."

Jane's hand moves from Maura's lap and encircles her waist, pulling at her hip. Scooting closer, Maura rests her head at Jane's shoulder and nuzzles herself into the crook of her neck, breathing her in.

Glancing down, she notices the bloodied napkins and Jane's scribbled words.

"What is this?" Maura asks. She unfolds the napkin and smooths it over Jane's thigh.

Jane grits her teeth, "Poetry."

Maura leans back slightly and glances up at Jane. Her expression is pained.

"You write poetry?"

"Not well. Especially not on a plane and sorta drunk."

Maura exhales a snort of laughter and begins to read leaving, Jane's heart to hammer wildly in her chest.

_If you were pulled below  
I'd open the earth and map hell  
To bring you something sweet_

_And if you were to rise above  
I'd earn righteous wings and lay siege to heaven's gates  
To lay roses at your feet._

___But if it is rest that you craved  
I would offer you my chest  
To watch over your dreams as you slept_

A new wave of tears begin to well up in Maura's eyes as she leans back and looks at Jane.

"Who knew you were such a poet?"

Jane rolls her eyes, "It's not any good and no one. No one can ever kno-."

She is silenced with a kiss and a halfhearted groan of protest vibrates against Maura lips along with a smile, "Who knew you were such a muse?"

Silence envelops them and incessant raindrops continue to fall outside.

"What do you hear?" Maura ask quietly, lowering her head and pressing a warm kiss to Jane's neck.

"Your heart."

Maura smiles and snuggles in closer.

She doesn't mind if it rains in heaven everyday.


End file.
